My friend waited 9 hours at the airport for me to pick her up. When I got there and she complained about waiting so long I asked her why she didn't just take the bus. She told me she didn't want to look like a crazy or poor person. -WALE

I had an extra ticket to a NASCAR race and when I invited my friend, he told me he would rather watch Days of Thunder because the real thing was never as good. - WALE

I left my roommate a message to clean up his mess because I was bringing my parents over. When we got there he was sitting in boxers and a tank top eating ice cream out of the container and the place was dirtier than when I left. When I asked why he didn't clean up he told me he never got my message. My note was taped to the handle on the freezer door. - WALE

A friend of mine threw a party and I wasn't invited. The next week we ran into each other and she apologized telling me she didn't have enough chairs at her house to invite more people. - WALE

"My lawyers didn’t explain what a suspended license meant." - Paris Hilton

I heard my roommate up to no good with her new man in the shower and when she came out of the shower she tried to explain that she was trying conserve water. - WALE

My employee was a few hours late one morning. When I asked why, he told me he had been to the doctors for not feeling well and they gave him a laxative. He couldn't take the chance on the hour commute until he had "handled business." - WALE

A man called complaining that his insurance had been charged. When I told him it had been for a perscription for his son, he told me that that boy was now in foster care and that the charges better not happen again. - WALE

A woman accused me of not giving her the proper change and stealing money from her. She wanted the $20 dollars I "stole." When we looked at the receipt, it indicated she had charged it to her credit card. - WALE