I once had to break it off with this girl because in reality I liked her best friend a lot more. I didn’t want to put that kind of damage between us, so I instead told her that I just wasn’t comfortable with her because she didn’t like death metal like me. - WALE

My girlfriend disappeared for a week. I was a nervous wreck. I finally got an e-mail from her saying she had won a free trip on a cruise line for one and had to take off immediately. - WALE

An employee once tried to get out of being late by telling me that a bee had flown into his car while driving to work. Being deathly allergic, he had to pull over and abandon his car until the bee flew out. He was two hours late. - WALE

While at the coffee shop I work at, I needed to check my e-mail to see if I had won an eBay auction. I saw a regular customer who I was pretty friendly with and asked if I could use his Mac real quick. He told me it was brand new and he didn’t want my dirty fingers discoloring the white keys. - WALE

My husband came home from work today and told me he had been fired. He told me he had been fired because a vice president had caught him with his suit turned inside out. When I asked what compelled him to do that, he just said he had lost a bet. - WALE

A customer called customer service and told me they needed the late fee waived on their account because they had just finally received the bill after an Anthrax scare had shut down the post office for a week. - WALE

One of my tenants was late on paying their rent. When I finally tracked them down, they told me they couldn’t pay me yet because their car had been repossessed late one night and their paycheck was in the car. – WALE

A guy flaked on going out with me one time because his horoscope had told him to be mindful of ill-intentions planned upon him for the day. – WALE