My cousin passed on watching me in a reenactment of the Civil War battle of Gettysburg saying she was a pacifist and didn't condone violence. Even if it was choreographed. - WALE

An employee claimed to be late for work because he had been getting a bagel when the shop was robbed and he had to stay to leave a statement for the police. - WALE

I stopped dating a guy because he loved science-fiction a bit too much. I told him I was having serious considerations to follow my aunt and join a convent for nuns. - WALE

My biological mother got angry when she found out she wasn't invited to my wedding. I haven't seen her in 26 years since I was four. She defended her right to come by not only saying she birthed me, but that she took the time to give me up to a "winning" family. Thanks Mom. - WALE

My friend and I were supposed to have a beach day. She never showed up to my house and didn't answer my calls. When I found her a few days later she told me she had decided to tryout for American Idol and forgot all about me. - WALE

I caught my youngest son hitting and pushing some neighborhood kids around. When I asked him why, he told me that if I had bought him some new fighting game he had really wanted, he could have just played with that instead of having to pretend to "beat up" kids in real life. - WALE

Back in the day when I worked for a collections agency, I called a client who had large outstanding bills due. When I asked how he wanted to settle his claim, he told me that he didn't feel responsible because he had ramped up his credit card spending assuming the Y2K computer failure was going to wipe the slate clean. - WALE