My friend said he couldn't go to my party because he couldn't drive because he didn't have a ride. During my party he got in a car accident. He called me to say "I told you I can't drive,” and that it was my fault. – WALE

My co-worker and I got written up for being late. My co-worker tried to tell our boss she was late picking me up for work because two Sparks she had kept in her closet for over a year had exploded all over her door and extra clothes and she had to clean her entire closet before she could come pick me up… at 4 AM. She didn’t want any of her stuff to be sticky. - WALE

One night my boyfriend got a hysterical phone call from our friend. She told us that her boyfriend had told her to go lay down in bed and that he loved her while he got her best friend a blanket and he'd see her in a second. After ten minutes she heard noises from the other room and got up to check it out. Turned out her boyfriend was on the couch doing the deed with her best friend. After she walked out of the house, he came out and told her that he was so angry with himself for doing that to her. After fifteen minutes she went back in the house and they were at it again! The next day he said had blacked out and didn't know what she was talking about.

A fellow student taking an online course at NYU tried to get out of being late to an exam by telling the teacher he thought the exam was at 5 PACIFIC standard time and that he thought he was showing up super early to get prepped for the exam. - WALE

My boyfriend dumped me today. When I asked why he told me his mother didn't approve of me saying I wasn’t his type and that he should start looking for someone else while in his prime. – WALE

I had just bought some fruit one day and by the end of the day I noticed it was all gone. I asked my brother what had happened to it and he had told me he smelled something rotten. Not to take any chances, he threw it all away. – WALE

A customer once had asked to use the restroom. We handed him the key and he went to the back. When he returned he informed us that the toilet was clogged. We told him we’d fix it, but that he’d probably want to go next door to use another bathroom. He told us it was ok and that he had just peed in the sink instead. – WALE