We were expecting company over for dinner and I was a mess preparing the meal while my husband cleaned and tidied up the house. Hours later I realized my husband had disregarded all of his chores and the house was a disaster. His excuse? He had gotten on a hot streak while playing online poker with fake money. – WALE
I was seeing a guy for a few weeks and one night he was supposed to come pick me up to go out. He sent me a text when he was on his way but he never showed up. I called him a few times because I was concerned that something might have happened, but no response. He called me the next afternoon saying that he was sorry but he fell asleep. When I asked him about saying he was on his way, he told me he truly was. He said he was narcoleptic and fell asleep in his car. - WALE
My girlfriend and I were at a party and she went to go get two Pepsis. When she returned she had one regular and one diet telling me they were out of regular. She slid me the diet one, and when I asked why she told me I was more likely to get diabetes. – WALE
My flight plans had been changed and I ended up coming home early from a conference. Excited to be home, I called my husband and asked if he could come get me at the airport and he told me I would have to wait until after the football game was over. – WALE
I was supposed to pick up my girlfriend today from school but never did. She was pretty mad. When she asked me why I didn’t show, I just blamed it on my mom. In reality I just wanted to sleep in. - WALE
In the navy I broke my leg. When they asked how I broke it, I told them that the wind from a hurricane shut the door on it at the bowling alley near by. Actually, my Navy buddy threw a bowling ball into my leg while we were drinking. - WALE
This girl once shot me down by saying she couldn’t date a friend. I found out later that she's dated a few mutual friends. - WALE
For a summer I had a really crappy job selling frozen steaks out of a truck as a door to door salesman. When I went up to one door, they politely told me they were vegans. I could see a barbecue with a couple of pork chops on their side yard. – WALE