A new employee refused to clean the bathrooms after his second day at work. He told us that he didn’t have the Swine Flu vaccination and that he couldn’t risk the chance. – WALE

I caught a neighbor’s dog shitting on my lawn. When I called him out on it, he said it was my fault for not putting a fence up to keep his dog from doing what dogs do. – WALE

Lil Wayne’s album sales INCREASE because he’s going to jail. – WALE

An ex once said he couldn’t make plans to get together with for movies and sex after a recent break-up because he promised his friends he would meet them in World of Warcraft for a raid that night. – WALE

A customer challenged his credit card being charged late fees because he was in jail and couldn’t pay them. He then said he deserved an extension to pay his bill because he was having a hard time finding a job as a former convict. – WALE

Once I pulled someone over for drunk driving and he admitted his guilt, but said he shouldn’t get a ticket. He went on to explain that another cop said he couldn’t stay on private property and had to leave FORCING him to drink and drive. - WALE