Nicholas Cage has to sell of over 10 properties (including two castles) and a 132-foot yacht because he’s broke. His excuse? Saying it’s his manager’s fault for convincing him to purchase “bad” investments. – WALE

A friend of mine who said he wanted to get into shape never showed up for our gym session. Later he called me and said his power went out resetting his clock. One night weeks later while crashing at his place, I asked him if he could set his alarm clock and wake me up, he handed me the clock and told me to take care of it. It ran on batteries. – WALE

My friend skipped out on hanging out with us when he told us he thought his bike’s brake fluids were low and didn’t want to chance it. He also owns a Honda Fit. – WALE

We needed an extra guy for our football game on Sundays. I asked my friend Carlos to play, but he never showed. Later he told me had shown up, but thought that we meant his kind of football aka soccer and was too embarrassed and left. – WALE

I pulled over a guy who had a “Back the Badge” sticker on his car. When he found out I was still giving him a ticket for speeding (98 mph in a 55) he said I wasn’t supposed to because he generously donated money every year to my department. – WALE

A co-worker had explained that he had had a dream where I told him he didn’t have to come in that day as an excuse to not showing up for his shift. – WALE